Sit back, get your
fat ass in shape.
Do your part, we’ll do ours.
We’ll get her for you.
Let’s face it. Men are dumb.
Let’s face it. Men are dumb. Yes, we are. We are decades behind women in the emotional evolution line. Since the beginning of time, for some unknown reason, we have fucked things up way more than women. We fight more. We steal more. We fart more. And we make a mess everywhere we go. That’s why we fuck up our relationships more. The result, our heartbreaks are nastier...That is where we come in. Think of us as “THE HEAVENLY HELP”, “The FUCKED UP RELATIONSHIPS Cleaners” or “The UNDO GUYS”. We decided to help sad bastards get their girlfriends back. It’s not their fault they fuck up, it’s in their nature. We've all been down that road and with our own experiences, creativity and many, many cases of beer, we have come up with a witty, funny, honest, real, fail proof system that works (unless you really, really, really fucked it up). So DROP YOUR PHONE. RIGHT NOW. Stop calling her. Stop texting her. Stop emailing her. Stop stalking. It's neither nice nor sexy. Breathe, relax and leave it to us. We’ll even reach out to her in a way that will make her heart beat faster. Take a look at our deals, decide which one applies to your situation and sit back while we clean up your fucked up mess...
Do you love a girl? Do you get goosebumps when she is near? Do you dream about her every other day? Does she love you back? Let’s find out! If you are a little shy or can’t get that kind of rejection (like George Mc Fly) We’ll send a kickass love proposal. How about it?
You love your guy but there are “certain things” in the relationship that upset you? Does your guy love you but is taking you for granted? Do you want to shake him up a little bit and keep him on track? Send him this Cupid Ninja Warning, and wait for him to eat from your hand. Literally.
Let's warn him!
Since we know you are desperate and have almost no faith in humanity, we are going to make this very simple for you. Just follow and complete these 5 simple steps:
Well, we can guarantee that once you pay for the package it will be custom made with love, and dedication for the special lady, but we can’t control what she decides to do with YOUR sorry butt. We are love experts, not love miracle workers. We will try our best with the info you give us about her and your relationship to hit that soft spot deep down in her icy cold heart and make her love you again!
We will run away with the money to the Cayman Islands. NOPE! Seriously, soon after you pay WE WILL START OUR MISSION to Get Your Girlfriend Back. And believe us, we will get her back and she'll be with you, yeah you, the desperate one.
Well she will, unless she broke up with several people at the same time. Since all the docs & mail are personalized she definitely will know it was YOU who sent it.
Ok, we know half of your brain is overflowing with sorrow, so we will answer this question with a little sympathy. Go to the deals section and you'll see the prices listed there. It's a deal.
Well, because desperate times call for desperate measures and let's be honest, you're here because you're desperate. It doesn't hurt to pay a little to go that extra mile, to try something totally different, funny and that just might work, to get that woman back in your life. Let's call it your last secret weapon of love.
Well, if you haven't heard from her, you can always check The Cupid Ninja Love Meter and see the status of what's going on. Or maybe accept that miracles don't fall down from the sky.
Please go to the Contact Us section and write your question. If we still can't answer it, we will send you the link of a tarot reader or a cryptologist.